If I were to ask you who knows you best or who you always confide in, who would you name? Would it be your significant other? Perhaps your best friend or a parent? It could be a certain four-legged member of your family with the largest listening ears. I know my mutt has heard many of my own monologues. Whoever came to mind, I can say it is incorrect.
We confide the most in the one person who we’re stuck with. Ourselves. Mostly left unsaid, our self-talk can dictate our mood and confidence and repeated self-talk, over time, becomes not just inner ramblings but how we generally view ourselves. Said differently, what our self-worth is.
For what it’s worth, pun intended, we’re all indispensable. In the physical sense, you are made of matter and therefore you matter in the metaphorical sense. Being told you matter can give us a shot of confidence for a time but for the feeling to be perpetual, you need to wholly believe it so much that when you’re on the precipice of a downward spiral, you can pull yourself back with your own self-talk.
I’m on the younger end of the millennial generation so I feel that I have a right to speak freely about my own people. There’s no denying that we are the generation of technology. From Windows ’95 and its eerie theme song of dial up to Google, an infinite encyclopedia at our fingertips to Apple’s release of the iPhone. With these society shifting innovations, we’re mere taps from anything we want within seconds forcing a belief that we can DO anything we want within seconds. Millennials quickly became self-proclaimed experts at multi-tasking. Unfortunately, I’ve only witnessed one singular output from it all – distraction.
I spent a couple days last week not enjoying them. I contracted the common cold and I, being a man, turned into a snot-nosed, drawly zombie who’s thirst is quenched only by at least 64oz of orange juice. Three days later I returned to being human. Women seem to have this resilience to work through colds or for them, more aptly named inconveniences. They somehow shrug them off while the germs slowly decay over time all while maintaining their fullest dignity. Conversely my dignity is reduced to carrying a tissue box as an accessory. This isn’t however, a comparison between sexes. It’s about another affliction entirely that befell me during those two arduous days. Time Warp.
An average nights sleep being constant, we dutifully approach each day with relatively equal amounts of vigor. We have about sixteen hours to do it all before we sink into our next bedrest. Society splits our days into two sections. Work and Out of Work. Work being a job, whatever form that takes for you, and life outside of work alluding to the common phrase of work/life balance. I’ve had a problem with this phrase for a while and I’ve landed at a few conclusions as to why.
No impactful decision comes without contemplation, evaluation of opportunity costs, and weighing pros and cons. It consumes even more energy when it’s for the first time. I think of these as thresholds – like through a door. The physical doors in our life can play tricks on us. We’ve all walked into a room and immediately forgotten our thoughts or why we walked in there the first place. Just the same, the metaphorical doors can have the same effect. You can scheme up a hundred possibilities but no matter how many practice rounds you take, it never goes exactly like you’d imagine after you stepped through. Once you’re in the arena, emotions take over rationale and you’ve forgotten it all. Luckily, understanding this truth is an amazing first step.
I separate these types of situations into two different terms. Experience thresholds, physically participating in an event for the first time, and relationship thresholds, the first few conversations with someone new. You can only do something new once while each relationship is unique.